It’s very strange that I sat down to write a post about ADHD just now. It’s strange, because children and adults with attention focus problems came to me from the first days of my practice and in large numbers. As a rule, parents do not suspect that their child is endowed with this talent. But I can almost always see this right away: if my office turns into chaos after 5 minutes of the client’s arrival and looks as none of the objects in it were supposed to exist, then ADHD is definitely there.
However, there are surprises for me too. For example, when at an interview a very calm child appears in front of me who finds it difficult to answer a question, and at the same time I observe that a huge world is deployed inside – and there is an answer, but fear interferes with speaking out loud. Self-esteem is low. But then, after a while and a certain number of concepts, I hear from a child: “How long are we going to work today?” (this is a favorite question of children with ADHD), and from Mom: “My daughter is back to the state of joy, playfulness, fun, she was in before the 1st grade of school.” And I understand that yes, there is dyslexia, but it is accompanied by signs of ADHD – just the child was depressed.
But what does this mysterious acronym mean – and how can you help your child live in harmony with these 4 letters?
What it Feels Like:
First, I want you to imagine being in the state of “attention deficit hyperactivity disorder”:
- You are always bored, everything quickly gets boring, the time inside stretches to unbearable lengths in the classroom or, conversely, shrinks in an instant if you play a computer game or collect Lego. You get very annoyed when you are given more than one or two tasks at a time.
- You do not understand what emotions you are experiencing and, moreover, you do not understand the emotions of other people. You leave all important things to the last minute. There are so many thoughts in your head per second. that it is difficult for you to keep your attention focused on any single one.
- It is very difficult to stay in place when the desire to get up and leave or answer a question breaks from the inside; and if they didn’t ask you, then it’s impossible to control yourself and keep silent.
- In your head, you can imagine absolutely everything very vividly. And not only imagine, but also experience, feel emotions, and, when faced with the fact that the actual reality does not correspond to the reality in your head, experience great disappointment. Usually, your self-esteem is too high. It seems to you that you know and can do everything, so the instructions are not for you, someone else’s explanations are not interesting and boring. You take action immediately, without listening to the end, and then when you do not succeed, you get upset, because in your reality you are a superman, a sharpshooter, a wonderful seamstress, a brilliant artist – in one word, the smartest, fastest, most talented.
- You have a great desire to teach others something. Relationships with peers do not work out. You often impose on others your invented games with rules that you cannot really explain, and change everything on the go, coming up with invented nonsense. Therefore, you try to be friends with children younger than you, who are simply interested in the attention of someone older – and it does not matter what to do. You are already an adult child, but the game of hide-and-seek is your favorite. Especially when someone rings the doorbell.
- You want your parents and teachers to teach you the way you see it, even when they manage to impose their own rules. You feel small. You do not know how to make decisions and be responsible for them. You are too listless. You really love playing computer games and gadgets. You may be fascinated by an active sport, but team play is difficult.
- During the day, you cannot distribute your energy, you are grabbing at everything, fussing a lot. Towards the end of the day, you collapse from fatigue. Your limbs love to twitch themselves, your hands are always fiddling with something. Your room is a terrible mess, but you feel comfortable in it, all the objects in sight.
How to Help:
Now about the main thing: how do we help the reality of “I can do everything, I am the best” in the child’s head to become a reality in life ???
Usually, parents seek help in learning, most often the use of language causes difficulties for a child with ADHD. Reading text aloud is not smooth, the child does not always understand what he has read, because the child is in a hurry, changes endings, misplaces emphasis, does not see punctuation marks. However, in these cases, the root cause of poor learning will not be dyslexia, but the child’s inability to focus on what he is doing and mental hyperactivity.
And here is why it is important for me as a facilitator to consider the signs of ADHD at the first consultation and choose the right program for the child. I see great results for such individuals when they start with Davis life concepts, and then, if necessary, a program on dyslexia or dyscalculia. 1
After completing the Davis concepts, the child noticeably matures, learns to manage his energy, emotions, fears go away, the little person becomes motivated to learn. The child learns to focus attention, highlight what is important, manage his inner state.
Here are some recommendations for parents of children with ADHD, which, in my opinion, can help the child and the parent.
- A daily schedule can help you distribute your energy resources evenly throughout the day.
- Direct the child to the schedule, help if it is difficult. Transfer responsibility to the child for adherence to the schedule.
- Indicate for the child the time by which he must do something. Negotiate how long any work will take.
- Give no more than one or two tasks at a time.
- If you are going somewhere to visit or to an event, talk to your child earlier about what may be waiting for him. Otherwise, the child can dream up a future for himself that will not coincide with reality and the child will be upset.
- If you do not want your child to react unexpectedly to a surprise that you have prepared or bought, do not tell him about the surprise earlier. Again, the fantasy may not coincide with reality and the child will be upset.
- If the child is upset about something, verbalize your child’s emotions for a sufficient amount of time. For example, if a child is upset after soccer practice, do not rush to say: “Come on, it happens, do not worry!” Ask for as long as possible: “How do you feel? It must have been difficult? You were upset that it didn’t work out.” Very Important! Do not simply say to the child “I understand you”. The child will most likely answer: “What can you possibly understand ?!”
- Be genuinely interested in your child’s hobbies. If he likes to ride a skateboard, do tricks on a bicycle or roller-skate, great, watch videos on YouTube together, choose an inventory, talk about these topics. If she likes doing gymnastics exercises- great, look, praise, be near, think about how to help your child refine or beautifully finish a move. If the child is interested in anime, sit down with him to watch, ask the child about the ideas of these cartoons, about the main qualities of the characters, etc.
- Watch cartoons, films, programs together as much as possible, take an interest in the music that the child listens to.
- Create your family’s small traditions.
- If you want your child to start exercising, lead by example: stop lying on the couch, start the morning with exercises yourself, your child will join after a while.
- If your child only thinks about computer games, delve into this game, play together, become one team. Organize a common field of interest. A child most of all appreciates the time that an adult has given her. If the child is interested in playing a computer game with you, then she will also become interested in going fishing or going to the store for groceries.
- Observe the child, delve into his needs, find strengths, ignore weaknesses, and forgive the child for his outbursts of emotions.
- Work together with the ADHD, not against it.
- Remember, you are the best parent for the whole child!